Just Do It, Abide.

Last year I wrote a blog titled, “Just Do It.” The point of this blog post was basically just to discuss my problem with being so passive and waiting all the time, and the revelation I had, inspired by God and Nike, to just do it.

After writing this post, one of my friends asked, what is it, exactly? How do we know what to do? At the time I didn’t have an answer for him. Now I think things are a little clearer, and turns out, it's not as hard as we may think.

Cam once told me that being a Christian is taking the journey to Christlikeness. Did I say that right, Cam? Anyway, it wasn’t until I heard on the radio that God’s will for us isn’t just a big plan for our lives, but it’s also for us to become Christ-like that I connected the two. Our journey, our path, our walk, and God’s will for us are pretty much the same thing! Seems obvious now, doesn’t it? We may never know what it is exactly at that moment, but it is to be Christ-like. We know what that is:]

At church on Sunday, Pastor was talking about abiding. Abiding means to remain; to wait; to stay connected; to be steadfast; endure. This is what we need to do! This is the it!!!! The concept of abiding comes from John 15 (the first part) and it’s mentioned 15 times… so yeah, it’s important. So as we abide in Him, He also abides in us:] and as a result, we become more like Him! Wooo we did it.

Anyway… I’ll say it again, Just do it. Remain in Him, abide in Him. Be like Him!

Now, I know this still isn’t very specific, but that’s ok. Just do what God wants you to do, be who God wants you to be. If you don’t know, then ask Him! If you make a mistake, or make the wrong decision, just thank God for His grace and keep walking. Pick up the stones and keep walking. We usually don’t know exactly what God wants us to do, or what job He wants us to have, etc. But we do know He wants us to be Christ-like, we know He wants us to abide, so don't freak out because you don't know what it may be specifically. Take a break and just do it, be like Him.

Pickles, NO!

I recently became a proud parent of a 10 month old cat named Captain Pickles. He is so sweet and soo lovable. He is also the most curious cat in the world, I swear.

The first morning with Captain while I was drying my hair I heard a mysterious ticking noise coming from the kitchen. I turned off the hair dryer, and discovered that Captain had jumped onto the stove and managed to turn the gas on at the same time. I immediately set Pickles on the floor and turned the gas off. “God, please keep this cat from killing himself and burning down the apartment while I’m at class.” I prayed.

It has been two weeks now, and the apartment is still standing, and Pickles is as curious as ever. I have to be on my guard every second to make sure he’s not going to knock over the coffee pot, or jump on my dresser and eat an earring. I even have to make sure I put the lid down on the toilet or he will dive in!

I love him soooo much that the other day I got him a very special present, a spray bottle. He hates it, and I hate it.

Anyway… being a parent is completely new to me. I’ve only ever been the child. One of the most interesting things that I have noticed is that I don’t mind these things about Pickles. He could go from his litter box, to the toilet, knock over the coffee pot and eat all my cheese, be soaking wet from the spray bottle and I would still love for him to lay on my pillow next to my head while I sleep, and he does:]

God welcomes us to do the same. When we do things that we know are wrong, when we fall and make mistakes, God still wants us to go to Him for rest. God still welcomes us when we break everything that is good for us, when we are covered in the mud of guilt, soaked from consequences of selfish decisions, and lost within our own curiosity of the world and what it offers. God STILL wants us to come lay with Him, He STILL adores us. God says, “Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matt 11:28).

Sometimes when God doesn’t do what I ask Him to, or when something goes wrong I get frustrated instead of going to Him. I need to recognize that in these moments, God is not spraying me for fun, or to punish me, but he is teaching me. He has my best interest at heart and doesn’t want me to get hurt or to break things, He loves me so much that He would rather me get mad at him than allow me to hurt myself. Similar to when I try to discipline Pickles, He hates it, and I hate it.

Then, when I am filthy with sin and guilt, He still invites me to rest with Him. Too bad shame likes to keep me from doing this sometimes. I’m glad Pickles doesn’t feel like he needs to sleep in the corner for what He did. I want him to rest with me!

I’m really glad that even though I spray Pickles and keep him from doing the things he wants to do (toilet diving) he still wants to be my friend. And even when he knows he’s dirty, or bad, or wet, he will still come to me and rest on my pillow. I think this is a lesson we can all learn from Captain Pickles.

Chocolent.

Today is the first day of lent! You guys are probably thinking, "Omg, Is she Catholic now?" Ha, you might not really be thinking that, but no, I'm not Catholic, nor am I considering being Catholic, but the concept of lent is very intriguing.

This past Sunday, that cold white stuff that falls from the sky prevented us from getting to our usual church on time. With a friend coming alllll the way to Alfred from Houghton, we were forced to wait so she could drive safely and we could attend church together, what a brave soul she is!

Anyhoo, while considering our options, we figured we'd be about 20 minutes late to any church we could think of, but then Alyssa (that brave soul) had an idea, "How about the Catholic church?"

After a moment of hesitation I responded, "Umm, oh kay. That's better than nothin' I guess."

So, off we went! This was the second time I have been to a Catholic service, I believe it is called Mass? and I'm not going to lie, I wasn't particularly excited, but its always interesting to see how people choose to connect with God in different ways. <-- controversial?

Catholic services are short: stand up, sit down, sing a little, pray, listen, communion, etc. Basically, you do what you gotta do and then you are free to go, not to bad. But! This day, when the priest mentioned lent, the congregation seemed to liven up the ever so tiniest bit. I'm not sure why, really. Were they excited? Were they surprised? Alarmed? Scared? I don't know.

But then I got to thinkin', "Hmmmm, lleeennnnttttt. What would I give up?" It didn't really take me long to figure out that I would give up chocolate, ha. Then I figured, why not? Its pretty much just a little fast, I could totallyyyyy give up chocolate for 40 days for God!

The priest made us take little lent booklets on our way out. No big deal. Then later we talked about lent a little bit further. I spose I'll try it!

Since I pretty much want chocolate alll the time, this will give me a good opportunity to rely on God for something I take for granted. Every time I want chocolate, which happens a lot I'll be reminded of God's huge sacrifice and I will rely on His strength to give Him my tiny one.

So, I got the little book, day one: I wrote down my sacrifices, let's see how this thing goes!

Just Do It

Life is crazy. I feel like, if life were a shape, it would have an infinite number of angles and sides. As Sarayu puts it in The Shack, life is "a living fractal." Its sad how limited us humans are at understanding such things; fortunately, God is smart and has a bigger perspective.

Today as I was reading God's word, I found myself extremely unsatisfied and anxious. Not knowing why, I took a minute to reflect on my life's current focuses, and how they may be falling short. I then realized that all of these focuses fell short of satisfaction, not because they were selfish, not because I was scared, but because I have been a slave to passiveness.

I've mentioned before that I'm scared, that one of the biggest things that I battle with is fear. I now realize that I can't just shed the things that keep Jesus covered, and keep me from leaving my stoop, but I really have to fight to peal them off of me, break their legs and run as far away as I can. Just like the Israelites wanted to go back to Egypt after they were freed, I want to go back to being fearful because its easy!

I realized I'm passive because I'm lazy. Its just too much work! I'm such a baby. Shedding these things is not easy! The narrow road is hard! It doesn't seem glorious, but it is!

This past semester I realized that I knew what was right, and although I longed for change, I didn't act because it was going to be too hard. I was talking to someone about waking up for morning prayer at 6am, when they noticed the Nike hat I was wearing and pointed it out. They then told me to "Just do it." Talk about easy! And by that I mean the concept...

I realize now that I need to "Just do it." I need to be more assertive in putting God into my life and pursuing the things that will encourage me to do so. Satan is not going to allow this to be easy, and God never said it would be. Life is complicated! I don't need to understand everything, but I do need to act.

Here's my point really, fear and selfishness may be covering Jesus inside of me, but nothing is going to happen if I don't stand up against them (obvious). I recognize my shortcomings, and I apologize to God all the time for them, but I can't walk in the light until I actively get rid of them.

In the book Forgotten God, Francis Chan makes a very good point. He considers the concept of a caterpillar's conversion into a butterfly. This is similar to our conversion into a life in Christ. Christ lives inside of me; He enables me to fly, so why am I still crawling on the ground like a dirty worm? Time to fly, Mariah. Just do it.

Funny thing, one of my following thoughts on this concept was, "Ok, next time I'll really do it." Then Jesus interrupted me (with love, of course:]), and said, "No, Mariah, do it now. Start right now. Just do it."

Believe me, I tried my hardest to rationalize, but I could not find a valid reason not to start right then and there. It reminds me of that Toby Mac song, "City On Our Knees."

I trust God. I don't always understand, and I'm not always comfortable, but I DO TRUST GOD. So I'm gonna do it. He has a bigger perspective, and in my life, He sees a beautiful pattern, where I see an impossible mess. He knows what He is doing. Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." It's going to be hard, but I know He is with me. Amen.

Hide-and-Seek

Psalm 119:1

"Joyful are people of integrity,

who follows the instructions of the Lord."

In the very first verse, this Psalm makes it very clear that those who obey God's commands have joy. According to Dictionary.com, Joy is a deep feeling of happiness and contentment.

That's right, joy doesn't come from us winning, it comes from God winning in us. What a simple concept. Because God's commands are all made out of love and goodness for us, I do not doubt for an instant that following them would bring joy and satisfaction. However, wayyyyy easier said than done.

In Romans 7:14-15, Paul says, "So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate."

I've been a Christian for 5 good years now. I have a pretty good idea of what things I should and should not be doing. Nonetheless, self-control and courage is not something I have mastered within this time. I more often than not let temptation win without even much of a fight. "For I am alllll too human, a slave to sin!;" thanks for understanding, Paul. It's comforting that Paul recognizes this, but the fact that this verse exists does not make it ok for me to be doing things that I know are disobeying God. So this is why my joy stick is broken. These shortcomings are the batteries, powering dissonance, brokenness, and loneness.

Jesus is my foundation. He is my rock, my strong tower, and is the very center of my being. His spirit is living inside of me. LIVING INSIDE OF ME. Got that, Mariah? He is LIVING INSIDE OF YOOUUUU! Yeah, I got that. But I seem to have locked Him up in a little box, covered Him up with layers of fear and have hidden him in a cave of my own selfishness.

It seems that these two things are the biggest reasons why I have so much trouble following God's commands; fear and selfishness. Stupid fear, and stupid selfishness is what is preventing me from having the joy that is freely given to me with God's lovely commands.

I don't want God's spirit to be locked, covered, and hidden. I want His spirit to radiate out of me! Too bad right now the only thing radiating out of me is scared little Mariah... yepp, and who wants to see that?

I want God's spirit to be free inside of me. Sooooo free that I see what the Spirit sees, hear what the Spirit hears, love what It loves, think what It thinks, and DOES WHAT IT WANTS ME TO DO! That essentially every sense; touch, taste, sight, smell, and hear will be done by the Spirit. Now I don't know what it would be like to smell through the Spirit, but I bet its glorious.

So when we let the Spirit that lives inside of us go free, and follow Gods commands, that's when we truly shine and receive joy. We need to get rid of anything that is preventing us from following His commands. Anything that is locking, covering and hiding Jesus from coming out of us needs to be sacrificed and replaced with our savior.

For me, its fear and selfishness. I need to lay down my Mariah-centered mentality, and look through the eyes of love instead of my own. Then, when I'm stripped of myself, humble, God-fearing, and broken, I will finally follow His commands and receive the joy that follows. Danngggg,, that's gonna be hard.

Ohh, Lordyy, thank you for your wonderful commands. "You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow our commands. (Psalm 119:73)" I want you to come out of the hiding place that I have put you in.  Then I will find joy. Help me to be strong and courages, and lay myself down at your feet. I want to lose so that you will win. Amen.

Mariah the Israelite

When you walk into Church, and you're preparing to start worship, do you ever get the feeling that its like you are about to see a friend you hadn't seen in a while? Almost like that awkward, ashamed, I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch, don't know what to say or feel kinda feeling....

It seems like every Sunday I get hit sooooo hard with conviction; like each sermon was meant just for me and what I've been going through lately. I leave thinking I have a new outlook, a new passion, and new energy to live for Christ. Then, all the sudden it's Sunday again, and I'm just comin to see Jesus, that old friend of mine once again.

WHAT THE HECK?! Whyyyyy do I keep doing this? I feel like an Israelite... they took forty years to take an 11 day walk. Around, and around, and around, and around. Seriously?!??! How many times is God going to ask me to sacrifice myself before I actually do it?

Here's me right now, Mariah the Israelite. This is the typical week, starting with Sunday:

"Yayyy, Jesusssss. Ouu, squirrel (distraction). Wow, Sunday again? Oh yeahh... Jesus, my old friend who I completely forgot about all week. Oh, crap."

Everryyyy weekkkuuhhhhhhh. GAH! It seems like satan is just getting me to waste time. I swear God asks me to sacrifice myself at least once a week. My latest excuse has been... "Well I don't now how to sacrifice myself. So, God is gonna have to tell me what I need to do." pfftt.. as if he didn't already give me a book of instruction. Not to mention the fact that if I'm too busy lookin at the squirrels, God's prolly not gonna get through. Whyyyy, oh God, am I so dumb?

So today, for the millionth time, I walked into Church feeling as though I had ignored my best friend alllll week. And now I was going to have to face Him. Shamefully, I worshiped and prayed, trying my best to give Him the fresh bread He deserves.

Now I've done this for the last time. No more will I walk into Church feeling like I hardly know my savior. I never, ever want to feel ashamed because I got distracted. I don't have this time to waste! God wants to get me to the promise land... there is milk and honey waiting for me! Why am I still looking at the squirrels?! GAH!

So here's the plan. Intimacy first. Bible study is all good, but a true closeness with God takes more than just reading the word. You have to listen with your spirit and get on your face and lay everything down at His feet. Not just on Sundays, but everyday, all the time. If I do this once a day, coming back to Him won't feel so awkward. Yeah, I'll prolly still get distracted... and its gonna be really hard. But in these moments of intimacy, God will be able to show me who He is and who He wants me to be.

God shows up every week and speaks directly to my heart. He tells me how much He loves me all the time. Hes always faithful and always sooo lovely. It's time for me to do the same for Him. I want to be able to touch His face while I worship and hold His hand throughout the day. I want to turn every single blessing back to praise. The closer I come to Him, the closer He comes to me.

The more I seek you,

the more I find you.

The more I find you,

the more I loooooooooveeeee youuu.

I wanna sit at your feet,

drink from the cup in your hand,

lay back against you and breathe;

feel your heart beat.

You love is so deep.

It's more than I can take,

I melt in your peace..

Its overwhelming to me.

God, help me not to be a stupid Israelite anymore. I want to reach the promise land. Please help me to lay down all of my other lovers and put an intimate relationship with you before anything else, ever. I want to lay everything down at your feet, everyday. I don't want to be distracted anymore. I want to be with You. I want you to have your way in me. You are my God, my Savior, my best friend, my Daddy and so much more. Help me to remember that every single day. I love you. Amen.

Stoop-Kid's Afraid to Leave His Stoop

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zE0IzAsIVWk&feature=related

"Stoop kid's afraid to leave his stoop! Stoop kid's afraid to leave his stoop!"

Mariah is afraid to leave her stoop! The church is afraid to leave its stoop!

What the heck was I dreaming about when I woke up Sunday morning chanting this? Stuck in my head, but it gave me quite the revelation...

Seriously, am I just a scaredy pants? Am I Stoop Kid, scared to leave my comforts, to step out, to be judged, to get things taken from me, and scared to fail? Am I just a scared little Christian girl, who is too scared to trust God and to leave the stoop of my own selfishness?

So what if, like Stoop Kid, I was limiting myself to my stoop, and keeping myself from seeing this whole world of LOVE that God has created? Would I step off?

In the video, Arnold hears Stoop Kid's cries (like God hears ours). Then he proceeds to show Stoop Kid what things are beyond his stoop (like God wants to do for us). Thennnnn Arnold encourages Stoop Kid to leave the stoop and experience the world (which God also does). ANDDD THENNNN Arnold never gives up on Stoop Kid, keeps his faith, and never leaves his side (hmm... kinda like God).

Joshua 1 says "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

So Mariah, ya know... theres a whole world out there beyond your stoop... If you can just get beyond your self, and step into the world of love, and put yourself out there so people can see Jesus, theres wayyyyy more glorious stoops for you too see. Remember 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God did not give us the spirit of fear and timidity, but of POWER and LOVE and SELF-CONTROL." SO SIT ON THAT STOOP, FEAR!

Alright, Lordy. So hold my hand and lead me off of this stupid stoop! Help me to know what you are always there, and that you know what is good for me. And even though it's painful, and scary and I don't waaannnnnaaa, please continue to encourage me that its okay, and that the world is beautiful beyond my little selfish stoop. I don't want to be like Stoop Kid, I want to be the person you created me to be, with power and love and without fear and selfishness.

And Church, you too! Don't let the world get this impression of you, that you are just some scary, selfish Stoop kid, who just wants to judge people, sucker them in and make them all drink the Kool-aid. Step off your stoop and pour out your love. Yeah, its scary, but Daddy's won't let ya down. Dont let Jarold (or in this analogy, the world), get the wrong impression, get off your stupid, comfortable, safe stoop, and tell the world for realz.