Hide-and-Seek

Psalm 119:1

"Joyful are people of integrity,

who follows the instructions of the Lord."

In the very first verse, this Psalm makes it very clear that those who obey God's commands have joy. According to Dictionary.com, Joy is a deep feeling of happiness and contentment.

That's right, joy doesn't come from us winning, it comes from God winning in us. What a simple concept. Because God's commands are all made out of love and goodness for us, I do not doubt for an instant that following them would bring joy and satisfaction. However, wayyyyy easier said than done.

In Romans 7:14-15, Paul says, "So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate."

I've been a Christian for 5 good years now. I have a pretty good idea of what things I should and should not be doing. Nonetheless, self-control and courage is not something I have mastered within this time. I more often than not let temptation win without even much of a fight. "For I am alllll too human, a slave to sin!;" thanks for understanding, Paul. It's comforting that Paul recognizes this, but the fact that this verse exists does not make it ok for me to be doing things that I know are disobeying God. So this is why my joy stick is broken. These shortcomings are the batteries, powering dissonance, brokenness, and loneness.

Jesus is my foundation. He is my rock, my strong tower, and is the very center of my being. His spirit is living inside of me. LIVING INSIDE OF ME. Got that, Mariah? He is LIVING INSIDE OF YOOUUUU! Yeah, I got that. But I seem to have locked Him up in a little box, covered Him up with layers of fear and have hidden him in a cave of my own selfishness.

It seems that these two things are the biggest reasons why I have so much trouble following God's commands; fear and selfishness. Stupid fear, and stupid selfishness is what is preventing me from having the joy that is freely given to me with God's lovely commands.

I don't want God's spirit to be locked, covered, and hidden. I want His spirit to radiate out of me! Too bad right now the only thing radiating out of me is scared little Mariah... yepp, and who wants to see that?

I want God's spirit to be free inside of me. Sooooo free that I see what the Spirit sees, hear what the Spirit hears, love what It loves, think what It thinks, and DOES WHAT IT WANTS ME TO DO! That essentially every sense; touch, taste, sight, smell, and hear will be done by the Spirit. Now I don't know what it would be like to smell through the Spirit, but I bet its glorious.

So when we let the Spirit that lives inside of us go free, and follow Gods commands, that's when we truly shine and receive joy. We need to get rid of anything that is preventing us from following His commands. Anything that is locking, covering and hiding Jesus from coming out of us needs to be sacrificed and replaced with our savior.

For me, its fear and selfishness. I need to lay down my Mariah-centered mentality, and look through the eyes of love instead of my own. Then, when I'm stripped of myself, humble, God-fearing, and broken, I will finally follow His commands and receive the joy that follows. Danngggg,, that's gonna be hard.

Ohh, Lordyy, thank you for your wonderful commands. "You made me; you created me. Now give me the sense to follow our commands. (Psalm 119:73)" I want you to come out of the hiding place that I have put you in.  Then I will find joy. Help me to be strong and courages, and lay myself down at your feet. I want to lose so that you will win. Amen.