Mariah the Israelite

When you walk into Church, and you're preparing to start worship, do you ever get the feeling that its like you are about to see a friend you hadn't seen in a while? Almost like that awkward, ashamed, I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch, don't know what to say or feel kinda feeling....

It seems like every Sunday I get hit sooooo hard with conviction; like each sermon was meant just for me and what I've been going through lately. I leave thinking I have a new outlook, a new passion, and new energy to live for Christ. Then, all the sudden it's Sunday again, and I'm just comin to see Jesus, that old friend of mine once again.

WHAT THE HECK?! Whyyyyy do I keep doing this? I feel like an Israelite... they took forty years to take an 11 day walk. Around, and around, and around, and around. Seriously?!??! How many times is God going to ask me to sacrifice myself before I actually do it?

Here's me right now, Mariah the Israelite. This is the typical week, starting with Sunday:

"Yayyy, Jesusssss. Ouu, squirrel (distraction). Wow, Sunday again? Oh yeahh... Jesus, my old friend who I completely forgot about all week. Oh, crap."

Everryyyy weekkkuuhhhhhhh. GAH! It seems like satan is just getting me to waste time. I swear God asks me to sacrifice myself at least once a week. My latest excuse has been... "Well I don't now how to sacrifice myself. So, God is gonna have to tell me what I need to do." pfftt.. as if he didn't already give me a book of instruction. Not to mention the fact that if I'm too busy lookin at the squirrels, God's prolly not gonna get through. Whyyyy, oh God, am I so dumb?

So today, for the millionth time, I walked into Church feeling as though I had ignored my best friend alllll week. And now I was going to have to face Him. Shamefully, I worshiped and prayed, trying my best to give Him the fresh bread He deserves.

Now I've done this for the last time. No more will I walk into Church feeling like I hardly know my savior. I never, ever want to feel ashamed because I got distracted. I don't have this time to waste! God wants to get me to the promise land... there is milk and honey waiting for me! Why am I still looking at the squirrels?! GAH!

So here's the plan. Intimacy first. Bible study is all good, but a true closeness with God takes more than just reading the word. You have to listen with your spirit and get on your face and lay everything down at His feet. Not just on Sundays, but everyday, all the time. If I do this once a day, coming back to Him won't feel so awkward. Yeah, I'll prolly still get distracted... and its gonna be really hard. But in these moments of intimacy, God will be able to show me who He is and who He wants me to be.

God shows up every week and speaks directly to my heart. He tells me how much He loves me all the time. Hes always faithful and always sooo lovely. It's time for me to do the same for Him. I want to be able to touch His face while I worship and hold His hand throughout the day. I want to turn every single blessing back to praise. The closer I come to Him, the closer He comes to me.

The more I seek you,

the more I find you.

The more I find you,

the more I loooooooooveeeee youuu.

I wanna sit at your feet,

drink from the cup in your hand,

lay back against you and breathe;

feel your heart beat.

You love is so deep.

It's more than I can take,

I melt in your peace..

Its overwhelming to me.

God, help me not to be a stupid Israelite anymore. I want to reach the promise land. Please help me to lay down all of my other lovers and put an intimate relationship with you before anything else, ever. I want to lay everything down at your feet, everyday. I don't want to be distracted anymore. I want to be with You. I want you to have your way in me. You are my God, my Savior, my best friend, my Daddy and so much more. Help me to remember that every single day. I love you. Amen.